Sometimes it's the darkest hours who put our deepest patterns in the light of day. It happened to my last weekend at Bungalup festival, a 3-day (or better said: a 3-night) dancefestival in a bungalow park. Two days later, I have a funny conversation with my therapist. She suggests to me that during my life I have been to much engaged in behaving according to the outside world and too less in contact with my own feelings and needs. I think about that and tell her a small story about the past weekend.
The first night I had been going around with friends, just following them from places to places, having fun, but not thinking or feeling a second what my own needs were. The second night, I found myself in the early morning in a foam party at another bungalow. At that moment I felt it was enough for me. I was ready to go to bed, regardless of what all the others would do or think. Wow, I could feel this, that was something. So I asked for the key, cause we shared 2 keys for a house with 7. No key. "You have to get at the back of the house, the sliding door is open", a friend told me. I walked through the park to our bungalow, checked all the possible openings through bushes and branches, but a small lake stopped me from getting in the garden. I checked the secret place where we all agreed to keep 1 of the keys, but no success either. And so, after an hour of walking and trying I was back at the after-party bungalow, instead of in my bed, as I wanted.
- "How stupid and symbolic; even if I follow my needs, I am not capable enough to really go after them..." I conclude.
- "I bet that if one of your friends would have been ill or whatever, you would have been the one to find the key and bring him home, as it is for someone else!" my therapist answers smiling.
- "Haha, yeah, but now I need to find to key for and to myself!"
I rethink what happened. Then, slightly ashamed, I tell her; "It's even worse. Not much later, my boyfriend grabbed my hand and we walked back to the bungalow together. I wanted to show him where I had tried to get behind the bungalow, but while pointing that out, the weirdest thing happened. I look at him, and see him walking up to the front door, simply opening the door. The door had been open all the time!!" We're laughing out loud. "The gate to myself is open already. All I have to do now, is step inside." And so, it's the blurriest moments that can give the brightest insights. You just have to be a little awake, even at 6 on a tipsy blurry festival morning...