Let's break up with the idea of The Ex

Wow. Stumbled upon this post with pictures of Delia D. Blackburn Photography; Todd Bachman, father of the bride, brought his daughter to the beginning of the aisle...he stopped the procession while people were confused at his actions and he walked up to his daughter's stepfather. Todd reached out his hand and grabbed Brittany's stepfather and pulled him down the aisle to walk their daughter down the aisle together...

This is what Relationships can be about: in so many forms, really RELATING to one and another, from a source of love instead of fear. Let's forget about the limiting negative concept of 'Ex vs. New Lover', and embrace the fact that both the Ex and the New Lover have shared/share the love for the same important person(s) in their lives, so they are in a special way quite like each other. The Ex is the one who brought your New Lover on his/her way to you. The New Lover of your Ex might bring him or her to a new place of happiness. Therefore, the Ex and New Lover don't have to become BFF's, but to honor both the Ex of your New Lover, as the New Lover of your Ex is a liberating experience of love.

Please feel free, if you feel like (daring) it; share this message with the name(s) of your (New Lover of) Ex(es), in order to honor them!

A woman on the street invited me for lunch

As I was spending last Saturday alone in Brussels, I was thinking about getting a quick pistolet to-go for lunch, when a woman stopped me in the middle of the street and invited me for a real big Belgian lunch. We sat down together at Taverne Greenwich, an authentic Belgian grand cafe, where we decided to treat ourselves on a complete meal, of course with Belgian Fries and even an Orval beer, to take the time to get to know the bar and its nice people - and each other as well. I am so happy I stopped and went with her invitation. It took me two years to do this, because eating out alone was one of my worst nightmares of loneliness. But to go to a nice place with great service (who take the time to talk to you), to bring a book and okay, to really treat yourself, actually helps. Or as Osho states: Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Aloneness is not an absence at all, but a presence. A presence of oneself, in no need for anyone or something. I was looking around and I truly felt I was having a good time. With Myself.

(photo by Alexandre H.)


Upcoming Event: "Be afraid. Be very afraid" by SheSays Amsterdam

At this moment I am Afraid. Very Afraid. Finch Factor invited me to do a public speaking at "Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid", their next SheSays Amsterdam event on March 19 at Pakhuis de Zwijger. Together with a transgender police officer. A champion of equality advertising. And a feminist bellydance tutor. All on "how channeling fear sparks courage and powers change". So here I am, writing my way from cowardice to courage...

If you want to join this bold evening, it's free admission, just sign up!

SheSays is an award-winning global network organisation focused on the engagement, education and advancement of women in digital, marketing and advertising.

Astronauts' Star Food #1: Banana Oatmeal cookies, full of energy

These are the quickest healthy cookies ever. For breakfast, to get your energy kick before running (the world), as your new afternoon snack (bye crisps full of fat and sugar!)... Just mash 2 bananas with 100 grams of oatmeal, add raisins / gojiberries / nuts / cinnamon / chia seeds / ... to your taste, make cookie-shapes on a griddle with greaseproof paper and put in a 200 degrees hot oven for 20 minutes. That's all! Ooh-la-laaa. (Side-effect: your house smells like you want to sell it today.. mmm...)

Source: The Green Happiness.

All Astronauts' Star Food is lovely, full of energy and -of course- (quicker than) light. These are my favourite findings, from all over the world and beyond. These recipes reflect my love for and way of cooking. Inspired by my mum. Just pure and plain simple, with fresh and nutrient ingredients, lots of love, a dash of creativity.. and oh my God... full of taste! Enjoy!

It's the blurriest moments that bring the brightest insights

Sometimes it's the darkest hours who put our deepest patterns in the light of day. It happened to my last weekend at Bungalup festival, a 3-day (or better said: a 3-night) dancefestival in a bungalow park. Two days later, I have a funny conversation with my therapist. She suggests to me that during my life I have been to much engaged in behaving according to the outside world and too less in contact with my own feelings and needs. I think about that and tell her a small story about the past weekend.

The first night I had been going around with friends, just following them from places to places, having fun, but not thinking or feeling a second what my own needs were. The second night, I found myself in the early morning in a foam party at another bungalow. At that moment I felt it was enough for me. I was ready to go to bed, regardless of what all the others would do or think. Wow, I could feel this, that was something. So I asked for the key, cause we shared 2 keys for a house with 7. No key. "You have to get at the back of the house, the sliding door is open", a friend told me. I walked through the park to our bungalow, checked all the possible openings through bushes and branches, but a small lake stopped me from getting in the garden. I checked the secret place where we all agreed to keep 1 of the keys, but no success either. And so, after an hour of walking and trying I was back at the after-party bungalow, instead of in my bed, as I wanted.
- "How stupid and symbolic; even if I follow my needs, I am not capable enough to really go after them..." I conclude.
- "I bet that if one of your friends would have been ill or whatever, you would have been the one to find the key and bring him home, as it is for someone else!" my therapist answers smiling.
- "Haha, yeah, but now I need to find to key for and to myself!"

I rethink what happened. Then, slightly ashamed, I tell her; "It's even worse. Not much later, my boyfriend grabbed my hand and we walked back to the bungalow together. I wanted to show him where I had tried to get behind the bungalow, but while pointing that out, the weirdest thing happened. I look at him, and see him walking up to the front door, simply opening the door. The door had been open all the time!!" We're laughing out loud. "The gate to myself is open already. All I have to do now, is step inside." And so, it's the blurriest moments that can give the brightest insights. You just have to be a little awake, even at 6 on a tipsy blurry festival morning...

I see, therefore it is


"Seeing is believing". The essence of St. Thomas's claim to Jesus Christ, to which the latter responded that there were those who had not seen, but believed. Last Monday, I have seen the movie I Origins - and I believed it was a beautiful and brave effort to make spiritual matters more accessible. This 2014 American science fiction film, written, directed, and produced by Mike Cahill, is a "thought-provoking drama" on science vs. (or besides) spirituality. Graduate student Ian Gray is researching the evolution of human eyes -in his lab, using worms without eyes-, when he meets the spiritual Sofi and talks with her about God, in which he does not believe. "Sofi, I believe in proof. There is no proof that there is some magical spirit..." Sofi is upset, and suggests that humans are like the blind worm:

Sofi: How many senses do worms have? 
Ian: They have two: smell...and touch. Why? 
Sofi: So... they live without any ability to see or even know about light, right?
Ian: The notion of light to them is... unimaginable. 
Sofi: Yeah. But... we humans... we know that light exists... all around them, right on top of them. They cannot sense it, but... with a little mutation, they do. Right?
Ian: Correct.
Sofi: So... Dr. Eye... perhaps some humans... rare humans... have mutated to have another sense...       
a spirit sense... and can perceive a world that is right on top of us... everywhere... just... like the light on these worms.
Ian: So you're a mutant.
Sofi: Mm-hmm.
And I'm not the only one.

You, yes you, are a mutant too! We are all these kind of 'mutants'. I believe that we all have that 'spirit sense'. We just are not used to using it anymore. If you don't use something, it becomes dusty and rusted. We don't believe things because we don't see them, but we are not using our spiritual eyes in the first place. 

As Neale Donald Walsch -American author of the series Conversations with God- says: "the question is not to whom does God talk. The question is: who listens?!" He states that God can communicate with people in many ways (the next song you hear, the next sunset you experience, the next time you hear laughter, ...), and not necessarily through words 'spoken'. It is also the next movie that really moves you; in my case I Origins, that gave me inspiration and important insights, as some pieces of my 100.000 pieces puzzle of me. Also in I Origins there is a special role for the appearing of the number 11 around Ian. It is the master or angel Number 11 that encourages you to rely upon your inner-wisdom and intuition to guide you. Maybe that's what believing in God is all about: believing in the divine wisdom in you.

Of course it's always good, no: necessary, to be critical and conscious about one's own beliefs. To be constantly the spectator of your own thoughts. Where is this idea coming from? Do I want to believe this for a reason that has to do with ego? Or do I purely know this... is this information, straight downloaded from God, or, to keep it simple: from your own inner-wisdom. 

Still, not seeing does not always mean something does not exist. According to comedian Louis CK in his hilarious Saturday Night Live opening monologue (March 29, 2014): I’m not religious. I don’t know if there’s a God. That’s all I can say, honestly, is “I don’t know.” Some people think that they know that there isn’t. That’s a weird thing to think you can know. “Yeah, there’s no God.” Are you sure? “Yeah, no, there’s no God.” How do you know? “Cause I didn’t see Him.” There’s a vast universe! You can see for about 100 yards — when there’s not a building in the way. How could you possibly… Did you look everywhere? Did you look in the downstairs bathroom? Where did you look so far? “No, I didn’t see Him yet.” I haven’t seen 12 Years a Slave yet; it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I’m just waiting until it comes on cable." 

Sources and inspiration: IMDB, Wikipedia, YouTube, sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.nl



Kindness, I'm in. Are you?

This world needs as much kindness as it can get. Especially now! But.. we don't need 3 people to comment on a status on our Facebook chain letter with "I'm in" in order to do this, right? It's not that I don't like the initiative... I like the idea more to all surprise everyone at as many points as possible during every year. Let's skip the mandatory birthday presents. (Note to all my friends, please don't be disappointed, this was why). Just give presents whenever you look at something relevant and feel: "that would make <you> happy". That's it! Buy it, create it, send it by post, tell it, buy bananas for a homeless person, post a well-meant compliment on Facebook... Yeah, but, hey, crisis and all, you know. I know, and: neh, nonsense. It can be small. It can be free! It can be anything. Just pay attention to what's important to the people around you, trust in abundance and act spontaneously. Please comment with "I'm in" when you are in for giving. Here's to a spontaneous superabundant enjoyable friendly and love filled life.

My Award of Awareness

The Award I did not win @ Glamour Woman of the Year 2014, Amstel Hotel, Amsterdam

This is the speech I did not write for the Glamour Woman of the Year Party 2014, last weeks Monday night, at the famous Amstel Hotel in Amsterdam.

A writer that didn't write a speech, isn't that ironic? Well, I did not write this speech, because I did not win this award. A Generation Glamour Award in the category Creative. First of all, I am not a Sanne or Hannah, at this point much more famous females, actrices with much more fans. I am far behind Rens, who already sold around a stunning 100.000 books. (I only sold around 101 poetry novels by now.) And I was not able at all to collect online votes. I was offline for a month in Asia, mostly in Bhutan, a Buddhistic remote kingdom, in the middle of the Himalayas. Here I got my own Award.

On this serpentine mountain road, I saw this woman. A woman of our generation. A woman of Indian origin, who had travelled to this foreign country, to hash asphalt roads for a living, with a pickaxe... - and with her baby on her back.

While she hitted the ground, it hitted me.

I can actually be a writer for a living. I have the privilige to know my creative calling. I am just to stupid cowardish to really live it, most of the time. Afraid of what people, of what you might think of what I will manifest.

And here, at this moment, I got my Award. My Award of Awareness.

This Awar(d)eness, that -even if I wouldn't do it for me-, from now on, I will pursue my creative calling for all the women of our generation, wherever in the world, who don't have the opportunities we have.

We, Dutch women, are free women. We are born in a free land. We, female writers, are free to write whatever wants to be written. We have all the opportunities and possibilities to become who we are.

We only have to get out of our own way.

Put on our high heels and step into the (spot)light of our own being.

Cause we are: #generationglamour.

School of Life's First Year Lessons

Yesterday I graduated my first year of School of Life. By now I am supposed to know the basics of life therapy and energetic healing and reading. But the thing is, this thing is not called 'School', this is called 'School of Life'. So this is what I really learned.

This year, I learned that being alone is not the same as being lonely. That aloneness is not an absence at all, but a presence. A presence of oneself, in no need for anyone or something... and therefore a pleasant and positive state.  

This year, I experienced that relationships flourish in a feeling of freedom; in an open connectedness, where expectations out of fear make room for intentions full of love.

This year, I figured out I have mistaken gentleness for weakness. And found out vulnerability is actually very powerful.

This year, my masculine Ambition and Action decided to finally hook up with feminine Creative power and Intuition - and together they gave birth to Divine Inspiration, still a little guy, but growing every day.

This year, I finally inhabited my body (I have feet I can feel!), embraced my emotions, transformed yucky fears into life force energy, cleared my cloudy thoughts and opened my secured heart (bit by bit.. ;-)).

This year, I have seen some of the worst of me. In order to open the door to the best of me.

Still scratching the surface, 3 years and a whole life to go.

And believe me, it's been dark, sweat and tears in there, but "my God, it's full of stars!" out there.

Big Thank You to all my teachers, guides, family, friends - especially Bram F.J. van Alphen -, colleagues, class- and schoolmates, who supported me in this year of School named Life. Hello Year 2!


I can't. I can't. I can't. With every step touching the asphalt of the Vondelpark, my thoughts slash into my brain. Who do you think you are? Why are we doing this? From couch to 5K, well, you should have stayed at the couch. It wasn't me running alone, it was me and My Mind, moving together. More boxing than running. Today, for the first time, it feels different. As if my body is actually right above my feet moving, instead of dragging as a heavy body bag behind me. I try to speed up a little, to leave the restrictive thoughts behind me. The aggressive volume of the live version of Justices 'We are your friends' can be turned down a little, after being repeated for 4,5 times. There are moments I am able to look up from my feet and hear the birds. After 25 minutes, my first official full round of Vondelpark, the Elm seeds seem confetti thrown at the invisible finish to welcome me. If I can do this, almost anyone can. I am as slow as a turtle, I am as red as a lobster, but I run.

Yes, I do

On April 11, 2009 I said "Yes, I do" to my First Big Love. Today, exactly 5 years later, I signed the last papers to let go of him and the house we built. On the way up to the notary I cried of sadness and mourning. Letting go hurts. On the way back I cried of happiness and gratitude. Loving is pure joy. There is so much Love. I am proud of him, thanks to his Love we where able to let each other go within this Love, and therefore to stay part of each other’s lives. I am proud of myself, that I had the courage to follow my path and heart towards myself and my Now Big Love. And I am proud of him; thanks to his Love we are so happy together now. Yesterday we sat down with the three of us and had beers. This week I paid off all my depts of the house and I turned 34 years old; a new year. And now, I will drive to my dad, the First Man in my life, to bring him my Love and his Birthday blessings. And I will drive smiling.

Today I say "Yes, I do" to Love itself.

And "Thank you" to all the men in my life. Who guide me, teach me, strengthen me, love me. This is an ode to you. Especially Erik Triesscheijn, Vincent Breedveld and Bram van Alphen. And my buddy Jarr Geerligs too. They are Love.


That small space after the comma and before the second B. It looks like an inoffensive small step, but if you get closer, it actually is a huge ravine. It took me months, many excuses and several panic attacks, to get up to speed, take a run-up over the bulging of the N, come to the edge, jump on the comma to use it as a trampoline, be brave enough to let go and fly over. At the end, today I finally begun (with version 2 of the manuscript of my book.) Thanks to the encouragement of School of Life and my writing coach Sidney Vollmer.

What are you beginning today?


Photo: Bram F.J. van Alphen

Photo: Bram F.J. van Alphen

Vandaag vergaat de wereld. Dat geloof ik heilig. Ik ben er klaar voor. Ik heb er zin in. Mijn hoge hakken aan. De champagne koud. Eindelijk.

Vandaag vergaat de wereld zoals we die kennen. De oude systemen zijn failliet. Kijk wat er in de afgelopen jaren gebeurd is met de economie, religies, de politiek, de grote instituten en bedrijven. Maar deze crisis is een crisis van het oude denken.

Vandaag begint een nieuwe fase, een nieuw tijdperk van nieuw denken. Het kan niet anders. Er is een shift nodig. Niet alleen energetisch of in de wereld, maar in onszelf. Laten we overgaan van ik naar wij. Van nemen naar geven. Van geld verdienen naar waarde toevoegen. Van denken in tekorten, naar vertrouwen dat het leven overvloedig is. En dat er altijd hulp is. Van praten naar écht luisteren (dat is iets anders dan wachten tot je zelf weer aan de beurt bent). Van controle naar vertrouwen. Van oordelen naar openheid en compassie. We gaan niet langer facebooken bij de kassa, maar het kassameisje onze blikken waardig gunnen. Niemand en niets langer negeren, maar iedereen en alles in de ogen kijken. En glimlachen. Altijd glimlachen. Oftewel; we gaan van de mind en het ego naar hart en ziel. Van negatieve naar positieve energie. En van angst naar liefde.

Kijk maar om je heen. En zie hoeveel jonge en niet-zo-jonge mensen met visie en lef beginnen met iets nieuws. Of dat nu een biologisch bedrijfje is, of de beslissing om elke dag een nieuw iemand te ontmoeten. Als je iets beter kijkt, dan herken je ze vanzelf. Aan het vuur in de ogen. Likeminds, die nieuwsgierig zijn wat we kunnen betekenen, wat we gezamenlijk kunnen creëren of doen wat van waarde is, niet zozeer voor onze hypotheek of reclameprijzenkast, maar voor de wereld. Alles is energie, alles is met elkaar verbonden. Als we niet goed zijn voor elkaar, zijn we dat ook niet voor onszelf.

Verandering hangt niet op vandaag. Elke dag is een nieuw begin. Niets van gisteren hoeft ons tegen te houden, om te besluiten vandaag een nieuwe, verbeterde versie van onszelf te zijn. En daarmee van de wereld. Maar dan kunnen we het ook omdraaien; waarom eigenlijk niet vandaag?! Leg al je angsten af, trek je zorgen uit, zet je twijfels weg, gooi je onnodigheden overboord, trek je mooiste outfit aan en recht je vleugels.

Vandaag Overgaat de wereld. Wie gaat er met me mee?